Hello there, dear readers! Today I wanted to post this short story which I wrote for school a while ago. π It was supposed to be a humorous paper, so I hope you find it funny. XD Ahem.
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The Animalβs CourtΒ Β
One clear night after all the lights of the farmhouse had disappeared and only the stars were left, a queer noise issued from the open doors of the old white barn. Of course, no one was there to hear it but the stars, but they all twinkled and sparkled with curiosity, and drew closer to the remarkable scene inside.
Quite a selection of animalsΒ were millingΒ about on the spacious barn floor, carefully stepping between holes and past creaky floorboards. Various moos, clucks, barks, meows, and grunts mingled together in loud cacophony, until finally one of the rabbits stamped her hind feet in frustration.
βOrder! Order! I demand order!β a large black rabbit named Diamond grunted ferociously as she hopped onto a dilapidated haybale. The animals gradually quieted, the last whispered moos and clucks dying away under the fierce stare of the doe. Once the barn was silent, Diamond continued.
βNow. As you know, we have called this meeting because we rabbits have heard your various complaints and wholeheartedly agree with you: something simply must be done about those pestiferous humans. Tonight the humans are on trial and you, the jury, must give us the verdict: guilty or not guilty. We shall begin with the largest witnesses first, and move towards the smaller. Mrs. Cowe, will you please step forward?β
A large, black and white Holstein cow plodded ponderously over to the haybale, mouth munching casually in time to her slow-swinging tail.
βYes, Diamond maβam, Your Honor,β she mooed in her deep placid voice. βYou called? Mmm… what am I supposed to do?β
βI hereby request that you unburden your soul to us, your dearest comrades, upon the subject of humankind and its many erring ways.β
A vaguely puzzled look crossed Mrs. Coweβs face. βAh, would you… would you mind repeating that, Your Honor?β she said slowly, a frown of concentration furrowing her large brow.
Willow, an absurdly fluffy rabbit, heaved a sigh and shook her furry head. βNever mind, Mrs. Cowe. Iβll translate for you. What Diamond means to say is, can you tell us your experience with humans and explain why you either admire or dislike them?β
Diamond glared at Willow, but Mrs. Cowe looked relieved. βAh, yes. Of course, Your Honor. Well I think, and this is just my opinion of course, that humans are a bit too intrusive, if you know what I mean. Why just the other day the tallest human-girl was ambling around, poking a strange black box in our faces. I can tell you in nearly frightened me to death! And the way that thing clicked! As if it would explode any minute. I tell you I nearly choked on my cud. I… I just down hold with those folks, even if they do give us pretty good eats, but of course thatβs just my personal opinion.β
Diamond blinked slowly. She sighed. Then she said in a dry voice. βVery well, Mrs. Cowe. Thank you kindly for your very perceptive witness statement.β
Mrs. Cowe looked inordinately pleased at this dubious praise. A wide, lopsided grin spread across her great mouth, and she ambled happily back to her place among the animals.
Diamond stamped her hind feet sharply on the haybale, calling for order althoughΒ the hushΒ still prevailed. βWe will now hear a statement from Magnolia the Labrador retriever, or Maggie, as most of us know her.β
Diamondβs iron composure faltered slightly at the sight of Maggieβs wide, toothy smile, despite the fact that all animals had sworn a truce for the night. She gulped.
Maggie trotted happily up to the haybale, waving her tail.
βHello, Your Honor!β she barked brightly. Maggie always spoke in exclamation points. βI am very happy to be here tonight! I am also very happy to say that I, for one, entirely approve of humans! They are kind, loving, and altogether wonderful pets, as far as I am concerned! I would highly recommend them! Of course, they do need a considerable amount of protecting β thereβs a strange beast down the hill from their house that they just do not seem to notice, no matter how much I warn them β but I am more than happy to protect them! Are you feeling happy today, Your Honor? You look exceptionally tast- I mean beautiful!β
Diamond lifted her ears a bit higher at this, and looked more tolerantly at the energetic dog. βIβm feeling alright, yes. Thank you, Maggie. You may go now. Mr. and Mrs. Clukken, may I call you up?β
Maggieβs tongue swept surreptitiously over her chops at the sight of the two chickens, but she immediately regained her self-possession and bounced back to her spot.
Mr. Clukken was always βtrainingβ himself to be a world-class flyer, much to the dismay of the many chickensΒ who happened to intercept his unsteady path. Mrs. Clukken was a nervous bird, always clucking softly to herself and casting fearful glancesΒ at her overbearing husband.
Mr. Clukken now strutted importantly up to the forlorn haybale and cleared his throat. βAhem. I believe I speak for all chicken-kind when I say that humans are nothing but a menace, an absolute menace to chicken society. Right, Mrs. Clukken?β he demanded, jerking his head sideways toward his wife.
βOh, certainly, dear,β she agreed, jerking her head up and down rapidly in emphatic agreement.
Mr. Clukken looked satisfied. βFor instance, how are we supposed to continue our line of offspring when they mysteriously snatch away our eggs?β
βHow, indeed?β echoed Mrs. Clukken sadly.
Mr. Clukken gave what he judged to be aΒ tear-inducing crow of sadness (but which really sounded more like the cry of a wounded duck), and fluttered pompously off of the haybale.
DiamondΒ winced. βMmm… Excellent testimony, Mr. and Mrs. Clukken. Now may I call up Jinx the cat?β
Jinx did not look entirely happy to be crowded into this dusty barn with so many disgusting, uncivilized animals, but he merely waved his tail gracefully and narrowed his eyes until they looked properly bored and condescending for such an occasion.
βHmm, you called, Your Honor?β he meowed in a somewhat sarcastic tone. βI have heard you wish to speak to me on the topic of humans, which happens to be a topic I find most unpleasant. In essence, I live with humans because I would never stoop to the wandering life of a barn tomcat, even if it would mean freedom from human trials.β A scruffy looking tomcat in the jury twitched his whiskers ferociously at this offensive remark.
βHumans,β Jinx resumed, βare a pest. ThereΒ are no two ways about it. They are always picking you up or nearly strangling you, especially that young human whippersnapper of a boy, and they respond most slowly when called for. True, there are times when a good scratch under the neck is a pleasant way to relax after a hard day, but the costs far outweigh that benefit. If it were not for the regular, though somewhat unappetizing, rations, I wouldnβt put up with their nonsense.β
Diamond lifted a paw. βHear hear,β she said with heartfelt depth. After a moment, she called up the last witnesses, βmy sisters and brother, the rabbits.β
Five rabbits in varying colors hopped forth from the crowd. They all touched noses respectfully with Diamond, then lined themselves up in a neat row. Willow, the fluffiest, spoke first.
βWell I know Iβm in the minority here, but I think humans are decent creatures. Sure, they can be pretty annoying when they chase you all over the pen trying to squish the fluff out of you, but in general theyβre pretty sweet. They often bring us delicious treats like willow branches or fresh spring grass or maybe a mess of dandelions. Yes, theyβre a decent lot, for all their shortcomings.β
Clementine, Willowβs rival, spoke up next. βI object!β she shouted. βI object most strongly! Humans are nothing but pesky two-legged workers of ill deeds. They are always trying to corner you, always snatching you off of safe ground and holding you insecurely in their clumsy hands. And they get so angry when I bite them, as if they didnβt have it coming! As if calling me βBooger Nuggyβ wasnβt enough to make any self-respecting rabbit a bit on edge. I mean, really!β
Snickers hopped up to the haybale. βI, for one, agree with Willow. The way to a buckβs heart is through his stomach, as they always say, and humans certainly do well in that department! Mmm, I could really go for some more of that fresh grass…β he trailed off wistfully, licking his lips with a tiny tongue.
Lily, who looked like she had eaten rather too much fresh grass, waddled her large self forward. She said, between wheezes, βI… I think… humans are… pretty nice, even if… some of them… are a little… insulting. But my human… always says my eyes are pretty… so I forgive them.β She batted her large dark eyes, which were in fact quite beautiful, although they were often half hidden by the blubber surrounding them.
Lastly Olaf, a nervous white rabbit with startling red eyes, spoke. βI-I donβt hold with humans. Th-they just arenβt predictable. I mean l-look at me! Iβm obviously a d-doe, but that silly human b-boy thought I was a buck and named me O-Olaf! Itβs a disgrace, I tell you, a disgrace!β Olaf shook her head remorsefully.
Diamond, who happened to be Olafβs especial friend, quite agreed with her and proceeded to expound her agreement in such long-winded terms that Mrs. Cowe nearly fell over with boredom-induced exhaustion. Thankfully Maggie nipped at her heels just in time.
At last Diamond reached the end of her speech, and addressed the jury. βNow, my friends and fellow animals, I leave it to you. You have heard our witnesses and must make the decision yourselves. What will you decide? Are humans kind, peaceful creatures, or are they simply pests who make our lives miserable? It is your choice.β
A murmur vibrated through the jury at this. Heifers and tomcats, roosters and does conferred among themselves in loud whispers. Finally they raised their heads and one of the tomcats stepped forward.
βYour Honor, we have discussed the matter, and we find humans…β
By this time most of the witnesses and audience were chanting, βGuil-TY, guil-TY, guil-TY!β
The tomcat waited until the noise died down. βAs I was saying,β he glared, βwe, the jury, find humans… GUILTY!β
A deafening cheer erupted from the crowd, far overpowering the scattered boos and frowns.
The stars winced a little from their high perch, and backed away from the roar.
βDOWN WITH HUMANS! DOWN WITH HUMANS!β the animals thundered.
Suddenly, over at the farmhouse, a light blinked on.
βDRIVE THEM OUT, WE SAY!β
Another light.
βWE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES!β
Crunching footsteps.
Suddenly a young calf standing near the door wobbled quickly to the haybale. βEVERYONE, LISTEN TO ME!β it shouted in a quavering voice. βTHE FARMER IS COMING!β
A stifling blanket of silence suddenly dropped on the barn; the sound of a hundred voices holding their breath.
The door creaked open. A man stood silhouetted in the moonlight, the beam of his flashlight cutting effortlessly through the darkness. The flashlight fell upon dilapidated haybales, a creaky floor full of holes, and air filled with dust. He squinted his tired eyes, rubbed them, peered into the blackness again, and shook his head.
βSome dream,β he muttered to himself. Then he turned around and walked slowly back to the house. Maggie, a happy Labrador retriever, trotted joyfully beside him. Six rabbits rustled the straw in their cage. Thousands of chickens clucked and crowed in their chicken houses. Many cows raised their heavy heads to look sleepily at him. A meowing black cat met him at the farmhouse door.
βSome dream,β the farmer said again.
And the animals never felt led to correct him.
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Hee hee! I had so much fun writing that. I hope you enjoyed it! Most of the animals in there were our pets, and I drew a lot of inspiration from real life. (We really do have an old white barn with creaky floorboards and holes, and my brother Jeff really does kinda torture our cat, Jinx. XD )
***Allison***
P. S. Oh, by the way, thank you all SO much for your feedback in the last post! I’m so happy you like photography posts because I really do like posting them. I’ll probably post mostly photography, especially in spring and fall, but I definitely won’t only post that because I can’t resist sprinkling in writing, art, and other things like that. π Thanks again, guys!
P. P. S. As you’ve probably noticed by now if you’re actually reading this on my blog, I’ve changed my design! What do you think? I mainly just changed the header and button, as well as the little “About Me” picture and description on the sidebar, but I’m still working on a few more changes.
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